Hegira

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 16:57:22 GMT

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 12:02:14 GMT

Oh, wow.

Babar Ali's day starts early. He wakes, pitches-in with the household chores, then jumps on an auto-rickshaw which takes him part of the 10km (six mile) ride to the Raj Govinda school. The last couple of kilometres he has to walk.

The school is the best in this part of West Bengal. There are hundreds of students, boys and girls. The classrooms are neat, if bare. But there are desks, chairs, a blackboard, and the teachers are all dedicated and well-qualified.

As the class 12 roll-call is taken, Babar Ali is seated in the middle in the front row. He's a tall, slim, gangly teenager, studious and smart in his blue and white uniform. He takes his notes carefully. He is the model student.

Babar Ali is the first member of his family ever to get a proper education.

"It's not easy for me to come to school because I live so far away," he says, "but the teachers are good and I love learning. And my parents believe I must get the best education possible that's why I am here."

[...]

At four o'clock every afternoon after Babar Ali gets back to his family home a bell summons children to his house. They flood through the gate into the yard behind his house, where Babar Ali now acts as headmaster of his own, unofficial school.

Lined up in his back yard the children sing the national anthem. Standing on a podium, Babar Ali lectures them about discipline, then study begins.

Babar Ali gives lessons just the way he has heard them from his teachers. Some children are seated in the mud, others on rickety benches under a rough, homemade shelter. The family chickens scratch around nearby. In every corner of the yard are groups of children studying hard.

Babar Ali was just nine when he began teaching a few friends as a game. They were all eager to know what he learnt in school every morning and he liked playing at being their teacher.

Now his afternoon school has 800 students, all from poor families, all taught for free.

Would anyone happen to know how to go about putting money or goods into this boy's hands? I'm thinking even a large tent like people use for outdoor events and some folding chairs would mean he doesn't have to cancel classes because of the rain (and wouldn't permanently block off the ground from the chickens.) And I've never known a school anywhere that couldn't use pens, pencils, notebooks. There has to be a way.

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 14:16:40 GMT

Oh.

It's that time again, isn't it? And I almost missed it. We slip over into autumn in seven hours, and summer's goodbye kisses are wet ones, this time. This neighborhood is warm red brick walls and glints of sunlight scattering through dripping leaves. It's a crisp edge to the air and somewhere a lone straggling cicada, bravely vocal despite the weather. Outside my window, the trees are revealing the first reddish brown patches beginning to peek through the many many shades of green -- more today than there were yesterday afternon, in fact. There will be golds and rich bronzes and blazing orange, later, but right now most of the fire hues are still in hiding, sheltered from the last late-summer rains.

October is coming, and I know it will have something heartbreaking in store -- it always does. In a lot of ways, I'm still reeling from the last one. But this is September and summer, for just a little bit longer, and today, it's enough.

augh.

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 15:19:26 GMT

I know it's a small thing in the scheme of things, but I just saw the trailer for Disney's latest, and I'm still sputtering with rage.

Here you go, have a look.

Now, my first reaction was "ooh, she's not white." Sadly, that doesn't last.

* Apparently, Fairytale Magic isn't allowed to work on black people, at least not the first time. (See what happens when we let you people in? You break it!)

* What happened to the princess' intrinsic honesty in keeping her promise overcoming her delicate nature? Apparently, honesty *and* delicacy aren't allowed for black princesses, huh? Black chicks are allowed Attitude and tough-mindedness, 'cause they're all untamable and shit, but that's all.

* WTF voodoo? Did we drag out every stereotype ever? I bet we did!

* OMFG those accents.

* I bet somebody, somewhere, is going to drag his/her tired [white?] ass out of the woodwork to tell me all about how they deigned to do a story about a black princess and now I'm not grateful enough. That somebody had better watch how s/he phrases it today, and that's all I have to say about that. This is ... beyond tripe, and I was already fed up with the world. I'm starting to believe that we should manage things like this like we do certain forests -- sometimes, you just have to burn the shit to the ground and start over, to have a chance of ending up with something healthy.

have a purely amazing feel-good, no craziness involved.

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 04:48:56 GMT

you, too, can help a woman escape a first-world country...

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 14:39:21 GMT

This is one of those difficult posts, and I feel like I should apologise upfront for it being so. I really hate asking for help, when my situation's not as dire as some I've been in over the years, but Paul and I are currently stuck in a mire we can't break out of without some help.

When I made the move from the Cary suburbs to Raleigh, I thought I'd find stable work fairly quickly. Unfortunately, that hasn't happened. The little Lulu-esque company I did go to work for discovered that they weren't, actually, bringing in enough to justify hiring an extra employee for the non-technical bits that Connie could do, and so I was laid off again. I haven't yet found anything else, though of course I'm still looking. Paul's income, then, has been supporting us both, but there's almost nothing left over after doing so. My savings are long gone; his have been tapped for the immediate costs of my medical care, and even so, that emergency room visit hasn't yet been paid off -- it's $4300 USD all by itself. I have another doctor's visit upcoming when the biopsy results come in, and that's another one that'll have to be paid for on the spot before I'm seen.

What this means, though, is that the process of getting me to Australia is stalled, because we haven't anything left over after the monthly bills and the doctor's appointments are paid for, to throw at it. I need to replace my passport, which requires an application fee and a trip to my consulate in Florida (roughly $700 USD to cover both the fee and the trip) that we just can't afford as things stand. The visa process is on hold until we can furnish another $1700 AUD fee and a copy of my passport, and those two things are what we're asking for help with -- because getting me over there will improve the financial situation for us immeasurably.

So, why are we pushing the emigration now, if we can't afford it, instead of just waiting? Several reasons, but the first, urgent, purely financial one is that right now, we're hemorrhaging money, maintaining two separate households. Neither of us is exactly living the high life, but my household bills are roughly $1000 USD each month -- rent, electricity, phone, Internet, groceries, nothing in there I could really pare back more, at least not while I'm under orders to eat three times a day plus snacks and needing to be in touch with Paul. That's money we'll be free to throw at the medical care and repaying what we owe, if we can get me over there and drop the second household. On the other hand, the longer we wait, with no surplus to rebuild our savings, the more likely it is that something else is going to happen that will set us back even further. Putting it plainly? We can't afford to not push it through.

The second reason is that, frankly, the sooner Paul and I are married and I'm settled in Melbourne, the less likely I am to incur thousands of dollars more in medical debt, and the sooner I can actually receive care for several non-emergency things that I've put off and put off for lack of money to see to them, like a new eye exam and contacts, and getting my wisdom teeth extracted. My current eyeglasses are about seven years old, since my prescription for contacts expired shortly after I was laid off, and my wisdom teeth have needed to come out since I was a teenager. Those things cost less over there than over here, since I'm entirely without health insurance. We also could have caught the anemia long before I was so badly off I needed extra blood, if I'd been able to see a doctor when the abnormal bleeding started.

The next reason isn't purely financial, but it's the urgent fact that the emigration paperwork isn't all that's on hold right now. Trying to adopt my kids out of the system requires me to be in a stable household -- the longer that takes, the longer Logan, at least, languishes in that group home. They're getting older -- Logan turns 13 and Ari turns 11 in October. Connor turned 9 in March. Ari and Connor are together in a family home situation where they're the only children, but Logan is on his own, cut off from contact with his brother and sister. Even after we can start the process, I expect it to take a couple of years of wading through red tape, meaning we'll get Logan back as an older teen, which is both scary and heartbreaking, but sooner is better for this.

My plans for school are similarly waiting till I emigrate, because it makes no sense to start a program here that will be interrupted when I go. I also think it'll be easier to find entry-level work there than here, and of course my income potential will be increased significantly once I'm actually trained for something. Hopefully we'll soon be a two-income household again, the way we were during his first extended visit.

I don't think we're rushing into marriage, either; we've been talking about and planning on being married since we made the decision to be with each other three years ago. We've weathered some serious disagreements, this ongoing financial pinch, and a lot of separation since then, and we're solid.

I know things are tight everywhere, and if you can't help, I understand. If you can help, though, it would be much appreciated. If nothing else we're planning for happens, just being able to eliminate the second household alone will put us in a much better position. You'll be paid back ahead of that emergency room visit, too -- clearing private debts is more important than making anything but minimum payments on the public ones. Our order of things is: clear the private debts, {look for work, get married, start the adoption process}, start school -- and we'll clear the public debts after the first term of school is paid for, if there's still anything left of the public debts at that point. It'll make for a single rather crowded year, but then we can transition to the more usual routines of work and school while pushing hard on the adoption paperwork.

proposed prerequisites for declaring yourself "pro-life":

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 18:35:36 GMT

Support and actively work towards providing universal health care in this country.

If you want these children born, no matter what disabilities they may have, and you are willing to dictate that no-one else should have another option, then be prepared to put your money where your mouth is for the duration of those children's lives, to provide them with all the care they need to give them as much of a life as they can have. Yes, that does mean multiple heart surgeries and implants and life support and round-the-clock care, and all those other expensive procedures won't come out of the parents' pockets alone. Why? Because it is morally repugnant to force someone to do something against their wishes and then turn around and charge them for the "privilege" on top of it. Because if you try it, you will wind up with women dying after trying to self-abort to prevent having to beggar themselves to pay for the medical care of children they would not have chosen to give birth to, who may accomplish nothing in their brief and pain-ridden lives *except* bankrupting their parents.

Support and actively work toward providing everyone with the ability to earn a living wage.

Yes, that means more of your money towards the education of children that aren't yours, including poor ones and non-white ones. It means you can't just pull money out for a voucher to send your child to a private school while the public schools where the other children go gets poorer and less adequate to educate them. It means a higher minimum wage. It means providing paid time off for people with families to go tend to emergencies with the children. It means providing good childcare options, both for the children whose families kept them and the un-aborted whose families will give them up to foster care. Our foster care system, especially for the broken children, is horrible. You want more children born? Then you get to stop whining and pitch in to help support them. As opposed to protesting at the clinic before they're born and then complaining about welfare and socialism afterward.

Support comprehensive sex education and to make sure contraception is available, taught about, provided.

Don't like that? Too bad. People have sex. They've had sex for as long as there've been two sexes, and they're going to continue to have sex.

Support tougher sentences and more diligent prosecution for the perpetrators of sexual crimes.

If murder nets you a death sentence, rape of a person over the age of consent should get you a choice between castration and life without possibility of parole. Rape of a child under the age of consent should get you straight castration, no choice in the matter. Why? Because not all sex is consensual. Not all conceptions can be prevented by just telling women to keep their legs together. Teach your boys that no always, always means no unless you've agreed on a different safeword beforehand. Stop giving the wink wink nudge and the sly chatter about conquests and how this woman or that is "hot for it." Make rape as repugnant to them as murder. And less of the anti-female bullshit about "she was asking for it, wearing that" and "but she slept with ___ other people." Sleeping with a hundred other people doesn't mean she is obligated to sleep with you. If you want women to not conceive unless they're ready to raise a child, control the behaviour of the men who impregnate women. Decent men will use contraception if she's not ready to conceive, and they won't force her to have sex. For the rest, treat them like the criminals they are, because their offspring, if she doesn't want it, becomes another un-aborted child for you to help support.

Funny, how I haven't yet heard any vehement pro-lifers espousing all of these. Can it be that all the loudest of them want is all of the power to make all women do what the pro-lifers want, and none of the burden of responsibility for what happens after?

invite codes

Sun, 17 May 2009 03:36:43 GMT

Is there anyone left who still needs an invite code for Dreamwidth? They've just generously given me two; first comment, first served.

I failed my saving throw vs jewelry acquisition

Fri, 08 May 2009 04:56:51 GMT

... and this little guy will soon be coming home to me.

I am obliged to point out that he has brothers (and possibly sisters!) and many many fascinating friends over at elisem's current sale. Your pocketbook may not forgive you, but them's the risks you take, right? ;)

veggies!

Wed, 06 May 2009 20:12:10 GMT

I have resumed my wonderful weekly veggie box subscription (Papa Spud's, for those few of you in the Raleigh area) and today is my first delivery.

Dinner tonight, therefore, is whole-wheat pasta tossed with browned butter, tomato, and lovely fresh tatsoi, with a little grated cheese because, well, tasty, tasty protein. I still have sugar snap peas, yellow squash, eggplant, and a pint of strawberries to look forward to as well. This is going to be good.

Fractal of the day: Strife

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 11:38:33 GMT

Which is also a contest entry. It's difficult, by the way, to make something as abstract as a fractal carry a set theme like the good vs evil concept. I think I managed. What do you folks think?

Crossposted from my site; you can comment either here or there.

here I thought I already had my dose of outrage for the day...

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 16:59:21 GMT

AUSTIN — A North Texas legislator during House testimony on voter identification legislation said Asian-descent voters should adopt names that are “easier for Americans to deal with.”

The comments caused the Texas Democratic Party on Wednesday to demand an apology from state Rep. Betty Brown, R-Terrell. But a spokesman for Brown said her comments were only an attempt to overcome problems with identifying Asian names for voting purposes.

The exchange occurred late Tuesday as the House Elections Committee heard testimony from Ramey Ko, a representative of the Organization of Chinese Americans.

Ko told the committee that people of Chinese, Japanese and Korean descent often have problems voting and other forms of identification because they may have a legal transliterated name and then a common English name that is used on their driver’s license on school registrations.
Easier for voting?

Brown suggested that Asian-Americans should find a way to make their names more accessible.

“Rather than everyone here having to learn Chinese — I understand it’s a rather difficult language — do you think that it would behoove you and your citizens to adopt a name that we could deal with more readily here?” Brown said.

Brown later told Ko: “Can’t you see that this is something that would make it a lot easier for you and the people who are poll workers if you could adopt a name just for identification purposes that’s easier for Americans to deal with?”

A: Asian-descent voters are Americans too. What she really means, therefore, is "easier for generic white people to deal with."

B: Her lack of faith in the reading skills and problem-solving skills of generic white people is noted.

C: What we really need is clearly a return to the days when Immigration officials renamed people when they entered the country! Yes!

D: Life is going to change fairly dramatically when her generation is displaced in positions of power, and I can't wait to see it happen.

Fractal of the Day

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 23:30:05 GMT

This shares a common origin with the fractal on the poem post, quite obviously. It took some fiddling to get there, though; the head area did not want to come clear at first, preferring to hide behind that swathe of misty black. (Well, what did I expect?) But I figured it out, finally, and now we have Oracle 3, unveiled.

on bearing fruits of the spirit

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 07:18:15 GMT

This is the fault of many people, but it began with elisem.

They are always she:
untold foreseeings, like physical babes, usurp the womb.
They come draped in the same potentiality
as any other gestation, each secretly scheming
to be, if not an only child, then a last one.

She nurses them out of her self,
rocks herself back and forth around them,
speaks them to soothe them, and is herself quieted--and not alone.

Every birthing ends in giving the child away.

song of the moment...

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 08:24:36 GMT

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I’ve tried I’ve fallen
I have sunk so low
I’ve messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here and
And tell me I told you so

We all begin with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burden time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It’s the bitter taste of losing everything
I’ve held so dear

I’ve fallen
I have sunk so low
I’ve messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here and
Tell me I told you so

Heaven bend to take my hand
With no where left to turn
I’m lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don’t see
That it’s one missed step, one slip before you know it
And there doesn’t seem a way to be redeemed

Though I’ve tried I’ve fallen
I have sunk so low
I’ve messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here and
Tell me I told you so

I’ve messed up
Better I should know
Don’t come round here and
Tell me I told you so

I’m tired. Really tired. The relentless beat won’t let me slow down, though, and I think it’s the only thing keeping me moving right now. I’ve run out of places to put boxes—as half my stuff was already in boxes, occupying the available space—and while I don’t really have that much to pack, finding ways to pack it is definitely a challenge. I may just resort to cleaning around the boxes now, and picking up some more boxes later, to be packed while/when my father and brother have cleared the room of the already-packed boxes.

I need to:

re-box my knitting supplies

~~fill and reseal the half-empty boxes that never actually got unpacked all the way~~

do the dishes and pack them away

~~finish the last load of laundry~~

~~gather the things in the laundry room and bathroom~~

vacuum once the boxes are gone

pack the things on my desk, which includes my good speakers, so I'm procrastinating

I also desperately want a shower and to tend to my hair so it doesn't look like someone dragged me through a bush backwards! I may do that first, I think, or at least second, while the current load of laundry dries.

This has been crossposted from my site: you can respond here or there.

update on the lack of Internet service...

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 07:33:03 GMT

Thanks to a friend who has forbidden me to thank hir and whom therefore I will not name, the outage has a definite end. I should be back online on the 6th, almost certainly no later than the 7th. I may sneak on before then if some kind neighbor has an unsecured wireless connection, but I can’t count on that, and that’s when my own connection gets put in.

I am currently doing the last bits of laundry and finishing off the packing; I’m around—but not really paying attention—for the next few hours, until my brother and father show up and the Fun begins. Have I mentioned that I hate moving? Because I do. I really, really do.

This has been crossposted from my site: you can respond here or there.

apropos of this morning's ride around the lake:

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:17:32 GMT

While it may be true that once you learn how to ride a bicycle you never forget, my shaky knees are proof that you can entirely forget how to ride one well. I haven't ridden a bicycle for more than fifteen minutes since I was twenty-one years old. I expect it's going to take me some getting used to.

In the good column:

Weekday mornings are a good time to ride that trail; with everyone at work or at school, it's clear of pedestrians.

I did not fall off, or anything remotely resembling falling off. Of course, the step-through design of my bike helps with this, which is why I chose it. If worse comes to worst, I can just put my feet down and slide off the saddle.

The saddle is, in fact, wide enough and comfortable enough that there was no pressure in inappropriate places.

I can, in fact, shift gears without trouble -- this is the first bicycle I've owned where shifting gears is even a possibility, and I was worried.

I had not the slightest twinge of back pain -- hurray for being able to sit upright and not bend over the handlebars.

Cons:

I'm still going to need a lighting system if I'm going to use this for commuting.

I'm still going to need a lightweight jacket and tracksuit pants or something -- I don't fancy bare skin against asphalt the day I do take a spill.

The accident-induced fear of traffic translates directly. To be perfectly frank, Raleigh drivers still scare the living hell out of me, and that's going to take some time to go away. I've got the same sick feeling getting on the bicycle that I do getting into a car.

Crossposted from my site; you can respond here or there.

Why yes. Yes, I am an addict. Why do you ask?

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 12:32:56 GMT

Unicreatures of the moment; notice how they've doubled since just yesterday when I was introduced to them. *hangs head.*

Please click to feed them/play with them if you have time? I am still promising that this will not be a daily routine. I just haven't found a good fansite yet.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Uniicreatures

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 15:35:44 GMT

This is moondancerdrake's fault. :P

Clearly, I need to look around and see what fansites exist for these things, since if this runs true to form I will be playing with them for the next six months. In the meantime, if you folks could please spare a click, I promise not to post them all the time.

striving for functionality...

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 20:01:05 GMT

Last night's work: overhauling my poor, long-neglected website. I accomplished almost everything I meant to do, and what's left may not be possible.

New Gallery, which is up-to-date, and will be easy to add to.
New Cards, which are likewise up-to-date, easy to add to, and match the gallery's design.
I tightened up the design on the main content pages, to better match the overhauled cards and gallery.
I linked in the site blog, which I really want to get back to using.
I spent the better part of an hour making sure the music on the cards works, and adding in the preview button so that you can play the music without previewing the whole card.

Still to do:

Find a decent way to cross-post automatically between the blog and this LJ.
Update the content. There is a distinct tendency for everything to make it here first -- and almost never find its way back.

In other news: I appear to be facing menstruation unmedicated this time around: I'm out of ibuprofen and out of my tea. You have no idea (I really hope you have no idea; I wouldn't wish this on anyone) how completely this screws up my week. I've not been able to be out of bed for more than ten minutes at a time at all today. WTS reproductive organs, cheap. I'll rent them back in a year or so when Paul and I are ready to start trying to conceive.

birth announcements are the best kind

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 09:13:29 GMT

... and serenejournal's brainchild, 42 Magazine, is coming into the world shiny.

Vital stats: 44 pages; color cover with black and white interior; packed with stories and art. I'm looking forward to reading this issue, and seeing what becomes of it. :)

I still say fractals are apolitical.

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 17:25:20 GMT

Among the things I did this week that did not involve talking or reading about race: the fractal gallery over at tears-of-gold has been given an update and facelift. I'm pleased with the result, and the new style will be easier to keep updated -- every new set of ten fractals gets a new page and a link on the main page, and that is all.

The next site component that needs attention would be the e-cards, and I'm hoping to get to those this weekend. They do work, and do actually see a fair amount of use, but their style matches the old gallery instead of the new one, and I need to update the underlying software.

Then I need to tackle the main pages. That, I am not looking forward to. At least I will not be bored, or something.

I thought I was done.

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 09:44:01 GMT

I truly did. I said my piece and I sat back to think some more, and read some more, and in the course of reading I wound up over at Scalzi's blog, and then I went to the Yelling Class post, and that's where I melted down again.

Here's ~~the problem~~ my problem with "We should totes have these talks face to face because it doesn't mean anything if it's just on the Interwebs!" Are you ready?

I. should. not. have. to fucking. cry. in. front. of. you. before. it. clicks. with. you. that. I. hurt. when. I told. you. I. hurt.

Really.

If you tell me you hurt, my melanin-deficient friend, I believe you. I'm expected to believe you. Indeed, if I dare to let on that I disbelieve you, well, we both know that that's just heinous, and how heartless and inhumane can I be, anyway? Yet, in the face of a steady stream of voices going: "You know what? This hurts, this thing you do, the way you just put this? That hurt", there is an equally steady and twice as insistent stream of voices from people I like, people who mean well, people who are, I fervently believe--I have to believe--genuinely trying, going: "That's not good enough. Just your word for it doesn't make a difference. Come out in the open and cry for me where I can see you. Nothing else will do."

So okay. You had your Yelling Class. You saw people cry and it clicked, and now you understand better. I'm happy for you, really I am, because a little bit of cluefulness gained is a gain. But if people my color are the Other, and the foreign, and the inscrutable, and the failing-to-understand-the-hearts-and-minds-of-the-melanin-deficient, let me ask you: what else are you deficient in, that it took that level of display to bring you to even that little bit of empathy and understanding? What does it say for you, when the best of your ranks requires another person's utter loss of dignity before you really cede the point that maybe, just maybe, you can start to see where he's coming from? Who and what does that make you?

I don't have these conversations face to face. If it takes my tears to enlighten you, you can stay in the dark until they nail the lid on your coffin. I mean it. There are too many other things in this world designed to strip every ragged shred of dignity this brown person has, without that I should cry for you, too.

fractal of the night

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 08:10:15 GMT

I'm playing with background colors a bit, and happy with what I achieved on this one.

fractal of the day...

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 06:18:07 GMT

This one is for Paul, who loves sailboats.